At the very core of your life is the “fuel” that powers you forward in your career, avocations, relationships, and everything else that is listed under the category of Life. This fuel is formulated from the values, attitudes, beliefs, perceptions, and emotions that you hold and experience in every aspect of your life. Due to the complex nature of this fuel formulation, your fuel can drive you forward like rocket fuel. At other times, the composition of your fuel can cause reduced performance, sputtering, and breakdowns. At still other times, you simply run out of fuel and get stuck dead in your tracks. How your fuel propels you will ultimately dictate how you experience your life including your enjoyment, successes and failures, relationships, and much more.
Our Life’s Fuel Formulation
The fuel that propels us in our lives is formulated initially through our genetics and upbringings; unfortunately, both of which are out of our control. For example, our temperament, which involves how strongly we feel and express our emotions, is largely genetic. Emotions evolved for the purpose of motivating us to action (usually in the name of survival); when we feel a certain emotion, there is always a “drive state” associated with it (i.e., an urge to act in some way that serves a specific purpose). For example, fear motivates us to run, anger to fight, frustration to adapt, disappointment to overcome challenges. Conversely, the values, attitudes, and beliefs that guide us evolve through our early lives and are influenced by family, peers, school, and popular culture. These “thinking” aspects of who we are direct how we perceive ourselves and our world, identify options, and guide our decision making.
Pure and Contaminated Fuel
Typically, our fuel is composed of some mixture of pure and contaminated fuel. The pure-fuel portion of its formulation comes from positive life experiences that foster healthy values, high self-regard, optimism, and resilience. This fuel catalyzes positive emotions including hope, passion, happiness, pride, inspiration, satisfaction, love, trust, joy, and many others. This fuel enables the engine that is your life to run clean and smooth, and to drive you toward your dreams and goals as quickly and effortlessly as possible.
In contrast, as human beings, most of us have contaminated fuel that can cause the engine that is our lives to run inefficiently, perform poorly, and can lead to engine failure. Some of this contaminated fuel can be genetic, such as predisposition to depression or anxiety. Other contributors to contaminated fuel may come from the environment in which we were raised, in the form of unhealthy attitudes, emotional baggage and negative emotions. This toxic formulation can include low self-esteem, self-doubt, perfectionism, fear of failure, need for control, and need to please. In turn, these elements of your fuel produce negative emotions including fear, anger, frustration, guilt, shame, sadness, despair, to name a few. This contaminated fuel can move you forward, but not efficiently or at high speed, nor with enjoyment in the journey.
Refine Your Fuel
We all want to live a meaningful, fulfilling, and joyful life. How that life is defined specifically is personal to each of us. It might mean a satisfying career, deep friendships, a life-long partner, giving back to the world, or some other life path that aligns with your values and produces enriching emotions.
To live the version of that life, your goal is to refine your fuel until it is as pure as humanly possible. In pursuing this goal, you should understand that 100% pure fuel is probably unrealistic given that some personal struggles, and the resulting contaminated fuel, are a part of the human condition for just about all of us. This refinement process involves identifying the contaminated fuel, understanding where it came from, and working through of its causes.
Your Why is Your Ignition
You can think of your why as the spark that ignites your fuel that propels your life forward. It is the reason you do what you do. All of the attitudes, beliefs, perceptions, and emotions that guide your life come from your why.
Unfortunately, your why can be either unhealthy or healthy. If that spark is, for example, toseek validation to assuage insecurity, avoid failure for fear of being labeled a loser, gain love from a parent, or establish a sense of control, your engine won’t run efficiently or perform well, and will seize up at some point.
However, if that spark is, for instance, to challenge yourself, get out of your comfort zone, see what you’re capable of, simply for the joy of the experience, or amplify an already good life, then your engine will run at peak performance and power you forward to a life worth living.
Your goal with your why is to ensure that it is life thriving rather than simply life surviving. You do this by exploring your unhealthy why, letting go of them, and allowing your healthy why to be the new spark that ignites the person you want to be and the life you wish you lead.
Just as I noted in my last post exploring Two Paths to Positive Life Change, how you go about reformulating your life fuel falls under the category of “many roads to Rome.” Just as there is no single methodology to change your life, there is no single process for refining your fuel either. As a Ph.D. in Psychology, I tend to lean toward trained professionals who have the expertise and experience to can support your efforts. At the same time, life coaches, books, seminars, online courses, and other resources may also provide the support you need. I recommend that you do your research, accept referrals from people you trust, and keep looking until you find the person or program that best fits your needs and goals.
