New York magazine just published a really unsettling article on perfectionism, expanding on my own notions on the topic.  Let me state this clearly: Perfectionism is REALLY BAD! It may appear to lead to great success, but, to the contrary, it often results in a lack of true success and, more importantly, it will make you really unhappy. And if you have children, one of the greatest gifts you can give them is to NOT cause them to become perfectionists.

Among the findings of recent research:

• Real perfectionism can be devastatingly destructive, leading to crippling anxiety or depression, and it may even be an overlooked risk factor for suicide.
• For many perfectionists, that “together” image is just an emotionally draining mask and underneath “they feel like imposters.
• The all-or-nothing, impossibly high standards perfectionists set for themselves often mean that they’re not happy even when they’ve achieved success.
• The most successful people in any given field are less likely to be perfectionistic, because the anxiety about making mistakes gets in your way.
• Perfectionistic people typically believe that they can never be good enough, that mistakes are signs of personal flaws, and that the only route to acceptability as a person is to be perfect.
• Kids love to hear a parent or teacher talk about mistakes they have made or failures that have had to overcome…This can reinforce the ‘nobody is perfect and you don’t have to be either’ theme.