When I ask tennis coaches what is the biggest challenge and stressor in their work with young players, the almost unanimous response is PARENTS! Coaches indicate that more often than not parents interfere with rather than facilitate their coaching. This is an unfortunate situation as parents have a powerful impact on players. Considering this, it is important for coaches to do what they can to make their allies.
Why Parents Are Not Your Allies?
Though there are some strong examples to the contrary in tennis, most parents are not mean, malicious, and ill-intentioned. Most want the best for their children as players and young people. Unfortunately, many parents don’t know what is best for their children in their tennis. In other words, they are simply uneducated about how the roles they play can have a positive and negative influence on their children’s tennis experience.
Goals of Tennis Participation
The most basic thing parents need to know and accept are the primary goals that they should emphasize with their children. Specifically, their goals should be no greater than having tennis contribute to their children’s personal and social development, build their self-esteem, learn transferable life skills such as motivation, confidence, and focus, and gain a love of a lifetime sport. If young players achieve these goals, they are going to be happy and productive people. Any other goals like a college scholarship or a professional career would only be icing the cake.
Recommendations for Making Parents Your Allies
Establish mandatory parent-coach meetings to discuss your program’s philosophy and goals. These must be consistent between the parent and coach for the young player to benefit from tennis.
Identify specifically how parents’ behavior can help or hurt their child. For example, hugging and encouraging players whether they win or lose vs. showing negative emotions during matches.
Identify specifically how parents’ behavior can aid or undermine your coaching. For instance, making sure players are properly equipped and on time for practice vs. coaching their child away from your practices.
Create regular opportunities for parents to give input about their child. For example, establish office hours when parents can stop by or call. You can learn a great deal from each other to the child’s benefit.
Provide regular written progress reports to parents about how their child is developing physically, technically, competitively, and psychologically. They have a right to know.
Establish clear guidelines of appropriate and inappropriate behavior for parents like my Do’s and Don’t’s of Tennis Parenting
When conflicts arise, act like an adult and treat the parents like adults. Your communications will be more amicable and productive.
Choose the appropriate setting for a discussion with parents, for example, in your office. Never speak to parents about important issues in front of players, coaches, or other parents.
Enlist parents within your program for advice and guidance about parent issues that arise.
Most important of all, create and foster an atmosphere of cooperation, mutual support, and communication aimed at providing the child with the most positive tennis experience possible.
