Latest News: Interviewed for article on “Parental Temper Tantrums”
Furthermore, says Marin parenting expert Jim Taylor, Ph. D., “yelling is threatening. It creates fear.”
“Yelling and fear can induce temporary behavior change, but generally not long-lasting behavior change. When the fear isn’t present, when the threat – you – are not present, they have no inducement for engaging in whatever behavior you were yelling at them for,” adds Taylor, author of Your Children Are Listening: Nine Messages They Need to Hear From You.
Taylor says kids don’t hear the message, just the yelling.
And our yelling models to them that screaming is an acceptable way to treat people to get what we want. (I admit I have caught myself yelling at my kids: “Stop yelling at your sister! We don’t yell in this family!!”)
“When parents have a tantrum in response to their kids’ bad behavior, they are reducing themselves to their kids’ age,” says Taylor, who has two young daughters. “You lose your power by losing control. You demonstrate that you’re not in control anymore, and that’s scary to kids.”
