Is it just me or are people more self-consciousness than ever before? Thanks in no small part to the Internet, it does seem like everyone, at least celebrities such as actors, pop singers, and professional athletes, and just people who are famous for being famous seems to be “under the microscope” these days. They are stalked by the paparazzi, web sites chronicle their every move, and, thanks to smartphones, anyone can be caught in the act at any moment.

We also live in a culture where appearance, whether physical, financial, or status, is revered. And within that culture exists a subculture of judgment where being critical of others seems like the national pastime; just think of the cruelty of anonymous online comments. Through the popular media, we also are bombarded by messages that we aren’t good enough, others are better than us, we can never be as good as others, or we can if we really want to. As epitomized by reality TV, gossip and cattiness, the fuel that drives self-consciousness, are the coin of the realm.

Because of these persistent messages of being watched, judged, and compared, it isn’t a stretch for us regular folk to feel like we are under the same scrutiny and under the same judgmental eye. It’s so easy to think that everyone is watching and critiquing our every move causing us to feel self-conscious.

Self-consciousness isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In, fact, in all likelihood, it has been hard wired and enculturated into us as we have evolved as a species and a society. Self-consciousness helps ensure that we act in socially appropriate ways for fear of disapproval and rejection from society.

At the same time, self-consciousness can go well beyond keeping our behavior within socially acceptable norms. It can become a source of tremendous angst and unhappiness. Self-consciousness can create a pre-occupation with how we appear to others, what others think of us, and, often, can lead to low-self-esteem, social anxiety, and an inhibition of behavior that we fear others might judge to be less than desirable. Social media has only exacerbated this impact by increasing the range of our comparison beyond our friends and local community to the entire world. And, importantly, it can cause us to manufacture and post online a persona that conflicts with our authentic self.

Self-consciousness can prevent people from being who they are, expressing what they are thinking and feeling, doing what they want to do, and all because they are afraid of what other people will think or say about them.

For the vast majority of us, namely, those who aren’t rich and famous, this self-consciousness, and the anxiety that is associated with it, is painfully misplaced. Let me offer you four rules you can live by to help reduce your sense of self-consciousness and relieve some of your discomfort.

Rule #1: You’re Not That Important

Here is a simple reality that should be liberating if you are overly self-conscious. Nobody is watching you. Nobody is thinking about you. Very few people even care about you. Why such a seemingly harsh pronouncement? Because you’re not that important! Nobody outside of your immediate family and circle of friends really cares very much about you because you don’t impact their lives. And for those who you are important to, they love and value you no matter what, so you don’t have to be concerned about being criticized or judge, and, as a result, don’t need to feel self-conscious.

Rule #2: You’re Not That Interesting

Part of what makes us self-conscious is our desire to believe that we are such interesting people—like all of those celebrities who have created an entire industry devoted to making them appear interesting—worthy of commanding other people’s attention and interest. In other words, we want to believe that we are unique and special and just plain fascinating enough to others for them to want to talk about us. Unfortunately, most of us aren’t that interesting or live lives that are worth talking about. I realize that could be a blow to your ego, but it’s also liberating. Making yourself interesting is time consuming and truly exhausting. It also prevents you from doing much more meaningful things like connecting with people who care about you, engaging activities you enjoy, or perhaps even making the world a better place.

Rule #3: People Have Their Own Problems

Most people are just trying to get through their daily lives with a modicum of meaning, fulfillment, and joy. As such, they are focused predominantly on meeting their own needs. They have neither the time nor the energy to devote to people that have little effect on them, such as you. Plus, somewhat ironically, the only concern most people have for you is their own misguided self-consciousness about what you are thinking about them!

Rule #4: You’re Not a Mind Reader

Are you a mind reader? Of course not, we humans aren’t clairvoyant (though we like to think we are). When you think other people are thinking about you, it’s actually you who is thinking about you; it’s called a projection in psychanalytic terms. When you believe others are judging or being critical of you, they’re not, you are. That may be a pretty unsettling realization. At the same time, it’s also empowering for several reasons. First, your internal judgments, that you believe are what others are thinking, can be used as information to help you better understand yourself. Second, with that knowledge, you can make positive changes within yourself to relieve yourself of your negative internal dialogue. Third, most relevant to this post, recognizing that those thoughts about you are your own should make you less self-conscious about what others are thinking about you.

The Truth Will Set You Free

Excessive self-consciousness can feel like a real burden in terms of what you think, how you feel, and the way you behave. Not only does it inhibit you, but it is tiring because it takes so much psychological and emotional energy to defend yourself against its threats. Plus, it’s just plain distracting, preventing you from focusing on the here-and-now.

If you can live by these four rules, you will find a huge weight lifted off of your shoulders because you no longer have to worry about what other people are thinking or saying about you and you are free to think, feel, and act in ways that are true to yourself. The downside (sort of) is that we all want to live under the illusion that we are worthy of others devoting time and energy to thinking about us, so acknowledging that you’re not might dent your ego a bit. But, as the saying goes, the truth will set you free!