Research has shown that deceiving yourself, what is called "positive illusion" in psych-speak, can actually increase confidence, influence over others, and performance. Of course, self-deception that is too disconnected from reality will not work so well. But telling yourself that you are just a bit better than you actually are can go a long way. [...]
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who [...]
I’ve been on a bit of a self-help kick in my writing lately. And given the strong response from my last post about regret, I figured I would continue my personal-growth jones and write about another topic that might be of interest to readers. Living the life you want often means making some big changes [...]
What is the worst emotion you can imagine feeling? In my work, I see people express many different emotions. Yes, some are wonderful such as joy, excitement, pride, and inspiration. But others I see, not surprisingly, are less positive including fear, frustration, anger, and sadness. Yet, the one emotion that lies along the continuum of [...]
In my last post, I described the essential role that values play in the life you lead. I also showed how you can deconstruct values so you can really understand what values are driving your life. But it is one thing to recognize what values you possess and to admit that some (or all) of [...]
Your values form the foundation of your life. They dictate the choices you make and determine the direction that your life takes. Your values will influence your decisions related to your relationships, career, and other activities you engage in. Despite this importance, few people choose their values. Instead, they simply adopt the values of their [...]
When I begin working with people with dysfunctional life inertias, I ask them what their needs and NEEDS! are. Most often, they are unable to describe either. Many people don’t know what drives them to think, feel, and act in unhealthy ways. They also are so far out of touch with their real needs that [...]
My series of posts on “life inertia” has been exploring the role that it plays in where your life has been, where it is now, and where it is heading. As you consider ways to change your life inertia, it’s helpful to have a vision of the direction you want your life to go. This [...]
In my last post, I described the differences between needs, which ensure your psychological and emotional survival and growth, and NEEDS!, which arise from the neuroses, pathologies, and just plain whims of your parents and the environment and culture in which you are raised and have likely caused you considerable unhappiness and dysfunction in your [...]
Just as your basic physical needs (e.g., food, water, shelter) must be met to ensure your physical survival and growth, another set of needs must also be satisfied to guarantee your psychological and emotional survival and growth. These needs include: Feeling loved (“I’m worthwhile”), Allaying insecurity (“I’m safe”), Feeling competent (“I’m capable”), Feeling in control [...]