Mother’s Day is on Sunday. Unfortunately, my own mother died some years ago, so I can’t celebrate the day with her (though I owe her an immense debt of gratitude for all that she gave me). There is, however, another mother in my life that deserves to be honored, namely, my bride Sarah (yes, after [...]

This is, I realize, a rather heretical question to ask given the size of the “parent-industrial complex,” the fact that the word parent has morphed from being a noun (i.e., what someone is) into a verb (i.e., what someone does), and the recent proliferation of “I am a better parent than you” genre of books [...]

An almost unavoidable part of parenting – unless, I suppose, you have a cadre of full-time nannies – is exhaustion, both physical and mental. Too little sleep, too few respites, and too little time dedicated to your own needs can all contribute to a state of deep fatigue that leaves you, at best, lethargic and unmotivated and, at worst, depressed or physically ill. And exhaustion leaves you without the energy to send healthy messages to your children to boot. Even worse, fatigue leads to expediency – one of the most harmful words in parenting – which means acting in your self-interest rather than what is best for your children. Unfortunately, “self-interest” and “good parenting” don’t play well together. If you’re exhausted, you’re naturally drawn to doing what requires the least amount of effort and energy. If you’re being expedient, you have probably given up on sending healthy messages to your children. So, for example, you give your daughter the cookie before dinner to stop her from whining even though it will ruin her appetite or you buy your son that toy in the supermarket checkout line because you don’t want him to make a scene. Easiest short-term solution? Definitely. Best long-term message? Definitely not.

Youth sports participation is now a ubiquitous part of our achievement culture. Though not unheard of, it is rare to find children who are not actively involved in some sport 12 months a year. Whether team sports, such as soccer, baseball/softball, or football, or individual sports, such as tennis, swimming, or golf, it’s likely that your children are involved in youth sports for reasons ranging from fun and physical activity to dreams of Olympic or professional sports greatness. If your children aren’t playing sports, but rather are involved in the performing arts, chess, or some other extracurricular achievement activity, this Prime Family Alert! newsletter can apply equally well to you. And this newsletter's value to the involvement that parents have in their children's academic lives will easily be seen by educators and parents alike. Youth sports are a wonderful avenue for your children’s enjoyment, physical health, mastery of skills, learning essential life lessons, pursuit of goals, and hopefully adoption of a lifelong sport. Unfortunately, they can also be a source of pressure, stress, social comparison, disappointment, and harm to your children’s personal development. Which road your children get on depends largely on the attitudes you hold and the quality of your involvement in their sports participation. It’s never too early or too late to ensure that the role you play in your children’s sports will maximize the benefits they gain and minimize the damage that can come from their athletic involvement. You need to get yourself mentally and emotionally ready for the rollercoaster that is youth sports. Many past issues of Prime Family Alert! have offered you insights that can help you navigate the rough waters of your children’s achievement activities, including sports. But, knowing many sports parents, what you really want are clear guidelines of what you should and shouldn’t do with your athlete-children. In this issue of Prime Family Alert!, I will describe what I believe you should do with yourself, other parents, coaches, and your children to win the Sport Parent of the Year award (or at least make it through this sports season without driving yourself and your children crazy!).

I've written about this issue and the research described, but I thought the take on this article from the Harvard Business Review was worth sharing. Harvard Business Review November 21, 2011, 6:53 PM EST The Trouble With Bright Kids Chances are, if you're a successful professional today, you were a pretty bright fifth-grader By Heidi Grant Halvorson [...]

Have you noticed that sometimes your children just need to hear a message once and they get it? And, frustratingly, you can send a message dozens upon dozens of times and it is as if they had never sent the message at all? Well, welcome to the real world of parenting where nothing goes as expected, what is supposed to work doesn't, what isn't assumed to work does, and what does work only works intermittently or only works for a limited time. It takes detective work and a real understanding of your children to figure out why some messages get through easily and others, despite your best efforts, don't seem to get through at all. Even if you understand the messages you want to communicate to your children, even if you know which conduits through which those messages are conveyed, and even if you have strategies by which to send those healthy messages, you can’t be sure that those messages will get through. Every time you send a message to your children, it will likely have to navigate its way through a maze of “message blockers” that can deflect, weaken, contaminate, or outright destroy your intended messages to your children. If you can understand these message blockers, you can lessen their impact and increase the chances that your messages will make it into your children’s psyches.

Note: This post is excerpted from my latest parenting book, Your Children are Listening: Nine Messages They Need to Hear from You. In recent posts I've introduced you to the importance of sending healthy messages to your children. Here are a five simple rules to help ensure that your messages get through to your children loud and clear. [...]