We humans sure like our bubbles. Not the bath or blowing varieties, but the psychological, emotional, social, and physical spaces that we create to feel safe and protected. Bubbles are actually an evolutionary thing that initially developed as a means of increasing our chance of survival.

As we have evolved, there were five feelings that humans don’t like to experience:

• Unfamiliarity
• Unpredictability
• Uncertainty
• Uncontrollability
• Discomfort

When our ancestors experienced these feelings on the Serengeti 250,000 years ago, when we officially became Homo Sapiens, death was likely to follow. Though, thankfully, most of us don’t have to worry about physical death these days, we are faced with a myriad of situations that could be perceived as threats to us psychologically, emotionally, and socially, which trigger those five feelings, and motivate us to stay in our protective bubbles.

Two Types of Bubbles

To minimize the presence or intensity of those feelings, we actively create bubbles to enable us to feel secure. We create external bubbles comprised of habits, routines, rituals, and patterns. We surround ourselves with people known to us and use well-trodden daily practices, whether where we stop for coffee, the route we take to work, or the exercise programs we use to stay fit. All are used in the service of creating lives that are familiar, predictable, certain, controllable, and comfortable (or as much as can be expected given that life can be anything but).

We also create internal bubbles, meaning psychological and emotional spaces in our minds. These ways of thinking and feeling enable us to defend ourselves against threatening perceptions and uncomfortable emotions that disrupt our equilibrium. These internal bubbles express themselves in biased self-perceptions, rationalizations, delusions, and suppressed unpleasant emotions,

Bubbles are good things, to a point. They create consistency, save cognitive energy, and offer a solid base of comfort. In theory, bubbles provide a safe harbor from which you can explore the world outside of your bubble without feeling overwhelmed. At the same time, too much time spent in your bubble can cause you to fear life outside the bubble, leading you to either reluctantly and unsuccessfully leave your bubble, or avoid the world outside of your bubble completely by not trying to think and feel in different ways, or being unwilling to try new things or experience new people.

Problems with Staying in Your Bubble

A simple reality of life is that, for most of us, we can’t stay in our bubbles 24/7; life requires that we leave our bubbles and engage with the “real world.” If you spend too much time in your bubble, you have little opportunity to interact with the real world and learn how to cope with and manage it effectively.

Two problems arise. First, you don’t learn to positively deal with unfamiliarity, unpredictability, uncertainty, uncontrollability, and discomfort. In most cases, exposure to those five feelings reduces their intensity. Second, you don’t give yourself the chance for life outside your bubble to become more familiar, predictable, certain, and controllable, and, as a result, more comfortable.

In other words, you are unprepared for the real world. The thought of leaving your bubble leads you to avoid going outside your bubble. Leaving your bubble causes doubt, worry, and stress. It feels overwhelming because you lack the practical capabilities and the confidence to know that, though uncomfortable, you can navigate life outside of your bubble.

As the carbon-to-diamond and sand-to pearl metaphors allude to the need for pressure and friction to grow, life predominated by your bubble limits your growth in all aspects of your life because there is little incentive or motivation to develop in a world of your own creation and in which you feel very comfortable.

Finally, without substantial discomfort outside of your bubble, you will never learn to challenge yourself or push your limits, both experiences essential to accomplishing goals and achieving success.

7 Reasons to Experience Out-of-Bubble Experiences (OBEs)

1. You learn essential ways of thinking, feeling, behaving, and interacting to survive and thrive in the real world. OBEs require knowledge, experience, and skills to make new experiences more familiar, predictable, certain, controllable, and comfortable.
2. You develop flexibility, adaptability, and resilience. One aspect of your bubble is that life is consistent. An aspect of life outside your bubble is that it is not consistent, so you need to make adjustments.
3. You gain confidence in #1 and #2, so life outside your bubble isn’t as threatening or overwhelming. When you know what to expect and know that you can deal with OBEs, they become less threatening, and you’re more likely to want to experience them.
4. You learn how to deal with the five feelings I described above, so they aren’t as intimidating and don’t prevent you from venturing outside your bubble.
5. You have the opportunity to continually challenge yourself and grow. By their very nature, OBEs require you to change to survive and thrive.
6. It feels really good to overcome your fears and turn experiences that started out as very uncomfortable into ones that are not only manageable, but even enjoyable. There is something deeply satisfying to face and surmount experiences that were once intimidating, but now are not.
7. Time outside your bubble will make you more capable of attaining your goals and finding success. Striving for your own personal greatness is never easy, but having OBEs prepares you for the many challenges, setbacks, and failures that you will surely experience as you pursue your goals.

5 Ways to Embrace OBEs

1. Accept that OBEs will be uncomfortable at first but recognize that the discomfort will dissipate with every OBE you allow yourself.
2. See OBEs as challenges to pursue rather than threats to avoid.
3. Make no assumptions and have no expectations about what the OBE will be like. Curiosity is an acceptable middle ground between excitement (rarely possible the first time you leave your bubble) and fear (much too strong an emotion for most OBEs). Say to yourself:
   1. “I wonder what is possible.”
   2. “I want to find out.”
   3. “It might not go well, but I’ll be okay if it doesn’t, and I will learn from it.”
   4. “It might go well, and I will then be better off for leaving my bubble.”
   5. “It is more likely than not that good things will happen.”
4. Understand that OBEs generalize, meaning that OBEs in one area of your life translate into greater comfort with OBEs in other parts of your life (you come to see yourself as good at any OBE).
5. OBEs are self-reinforcing; you feel good after, and good things usually happen. After you’ve had an OBE, it’s very satisfying, so you want to have that feeling again by exposing yourself to more OBEs.

Out-of-bubble experiences are never easy or comfortable the first time. But, in almost every case, when you challenge yourself to have an OBE, you will be glad you did.